


here we are

by jackiednp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Canon Compliant, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-18 21:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14861018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackiednp/pseuds/jackiednp
Summary: dan wants to say i love you (snippets from when dan and phil first met)





	here we are

The loud sound of a phone buzzing against a table fills the silence.

At first, Dan doesn't wake up. He’s a heavy sleeper once he finally falls asleep, and sometimes not even his 4 alarms will manage to wake him up.

After about the fifth time the buzzing roars in the darkness, he groans, not bothering to open his eyes as he fumbles blindly on his nightstand. It takes him a few seconds but once he gets ahold of it, he squints to read the display.

It takes him a while to adjust to the sudden piercing light, but when he can make out the letters on the screen, his heart stops.

 _Phil_.

With a short intake of breath he hits the green button and presses the phone to his ear, breathing a confused and slightly scared, “Phil? What’s happening?” as he props himself up on his elbows.

“Dan.” Phil didn’t sound like he was in trouble; didn’t sound panicked or scared or sad, he just sounds like.. well, like Phil. “Hi.”

“Is something wrong?” Dan mumbles, his voice heavy with sleep.

He can hear how Phil shuffles on the other line. “Oh shit, did I wake you up?”

“Uh, yeah, Phil. It’s three am.” he says, and then he pulls the phone from his ear to double check. “Exactly four minutes past three actually.”

“Sorry.”

“Did something happen?” he falls back to the bed, his head sinking into his pillow.

“Uhm..” Dan can tell on Phil’s voice, which he’s heard far too many times not to be able to decipher, that he’s suddenly uncomfortable. It scares him slightly, as if something between them has changed, and he knits his brows together. “Nothing’s happened, I just… I wanted to say hi..?”

Phil’s voice goes slightly higher as he ends the sentence and Dan snorts.

“You just wanted to say hi?”

“Yeah. So.. hi.”

Even though it’s three am, even though he normally hates to be rudely awakened and even though he’s still not sure exactly what’s going on, Dan giggles.

“Hi.” he says and he turns over in his bed, so that he can lie with his phone without holding it up.

“...Hi.” Phil says again, and then chuckles. A warmth spreads through Dan’s chest and he can’t believe that he feels so much for a such a dork that he’s never even met.

“What are you even doing up at three?” Dan asks.

“Oh, I couldn’t sleep.” Phil says. He pauses for a few seconds before he continues. “And I miss you. Even though that’s like.. technically impossible since we haven’t even met yet, but I miss you.”

Dan’s stomach jolts. “But we hung up from skype like.. I don’t know, two hours ago?”

“Well, yeah. But two hours is a lot of time _Danuyl_.”

Dan snorts. “You’re a dork.”

“Also,” Phil lowers his voice into a whisper. “I’m convinced that this house is haunted.”

Dan’s cheeks feel numb from smiling so hard. “What?”

He’s tired, and he should just hang up and go to sleep, but it’s impossible. It’s not like it’s the end of the world, anyway – they won’t talk for long. It’s worth it.

“Mhm, my parents left two days ago and I swear on my life that I’ve heard people walking around downstairs. I’m telling you, it’s those terrifying twins.”

“You’ve been watching too much The Shining.” Dan rolls over again as he continues. “Isn’t it also kind of rude to invite me to a house that’s haunted?”

Dan can hear how Phil huffs into the phone. “I’m gonna need someone to sacrifice to the demons so they won’t kill _me_.”

He can’t help himself from breaking out into laughter. Immediately he presses his hand over his mouth as to stifle the noise, because if his mum caught him awake at this time – he’d be dead.

Phil is laughing on the other end as well. Dan can picture him in his bed, his phone pressed to his ear and his tongue poking out through his teeth. Soon, in no less than a few days, he won’t have to imagine it anymore. Soon, he’ll be right there next to him.

They stay like that for minutes, giggling and sputtering like schoolboys, and eventually it trails into silence. Dan is tired, but the warmth that sits in his chest keeps him from putting the phone down.

“I can’t wait ‘til you’re here.” Phil says then, and Dan’s heart jolts. “It’s a good thing that I’m brave, ‘cause I’ll fight the ghosts when they come after me.”

“I want to be there so you don’t have to be brave, though.” Dan mumbles as he switches his phone to the other ear. “They can take me instead.”

Phil laughs. “That sounds like a quote from a sappy romantic comedy.”

“Well, it’s true.”

Phil is silent for a few seconds, until he says, “I’m sorry I woke you. Just.. wanted to hear your voice.”

“Who’s the sappy romantic now, huh?”

“Oh shut up.” Dan can hear the smile on Phil’s lips, even though he can’t see it. “Go to sleep.”

“Okay, _mum._ ”

“Don’t call me your mum. It’s creepy.”

Dan smiles. “Okay, dad.”

“Stop! I’m hanging up now.”

Dan knows it’s for the best, he knows he needs to sleep, but his stomach still sinks just a tiny bit. “Write tomorrow, okay? Or I’ll be the one haunting you.”

“I will. Night, Dan.” Phil says, and Dan can tell that he’s not the only one who doesn’t want to go.

“Goodnight, Phil.”

Time passes slowly. Dan listens to Phil’s breathing through the phone, wondering if this is what it would be like to be laying next to him in bed, trying to fall asleep. 

“I’m hanging up, now.” Phil breaks the silence and Dan giggles.

“Okay.”

It’s as if something is unsaid between them, as if they both can taste the words they want to say, but refuses to say them. It sits at the base of Dan’s throat, the words he want to say but he _won’t_ because they haven’t even met yet. They haven’t seen each other without a screen between them or felt each other’s touch, and yet – no one has ever made Dan feel the way that Phil makes him feel. It’s electric and wonderful and _painful_ , and he wants to let Phil know what he’s doing to him.

“I--” Phil says and Dan holds his breath, but before he can finish, the line goes dead.

Dan’s stomach sink through the ground. It settles somewhere under his bed and he rolls over, sucking in a deep breath and buries his head into his pillow.

“ _I love you._ ” he whispers as he tosses the phone to the side and pulls the duvet over his head.

 

It’s been a long day.

Dan’s tired. Not physically tired or depression kind of tired, but mentally tired. Drained, almost.

To be sat on a train for hours, anxiously tapping his foot and changing song every other second because nothing can keep his mind calm, feeling his heart beating in his throat and his hands going damp with sweat-- it’s a lot.

Then, getting off that train and not knowing if he’s real, if he’ll be there, if it’ll feel the same like it does over internet, If Phil will like him the way that Dan does or if this whole thing is just something Dan’s made up in his head. If he’ll feel nothing or something or just _wrong_.

And then seeing him. Seeing his hair pressed to his forehead with his shoulders awkwardly pulled up, a bag hung over his left shoulder and wearing a plaid shirt that Dan had once told him he looked really good in. The intense wave of relief that wash over him as their bodies crash together, feeling those arms wrapped around him just like he’d always imagined them.

Feeling the electric tingling of wanting to kiss him but being too afraid to. Having his heart beat in his throat as they move through the station to find a Starbucks, only to sit down and talking about nothing and everything. It’s easy. Easier than he thought it would be, but it’s scary and nerve-racking and his heart seems to have forgotten how to beat properly.

Really, there’s no wonder he’s tired. Tired and happy and ecstatic and nervous and genuinely, breathtakingly happy.

Phil had convinced Dan to buy him dinner. He’d refused at first because Dan’s not _that_ guy, he didn’t need Phil to pay for his dinner or to buy him drinks for him to be happy. But after Phil had whined and argued for twenty minutes straight, saying that Dan had bought the ticket to come to Manchester in the first place and Phil was the older one, Dan gave in with a sickeningly warm and bubbly feeling in his chest.

What he hadn’t been expecting, though, was to be taken to a fancy sky bar with an overpriced menu and posh people looking at them like they didn’t fit in.

It was nice, though. Better than nice — perfect, even. The waiter looked at them funny when they ordered another drink and the middle-aged couple behind them sent sidelooks their way, but it was perfect nonetheless.

As the sun sets over the Manchester skyline, and they have the best view to watch it, Dan feels a little bit tipsy.

It’s because of the alcohol, sure, but it’s something else there too. His chest feels warm and fuzzy whenever Phil says something, his heart jolts whenever Phil laughs and he forgets how to breathe whenever their eyes linger for a little too long.

“It’s not like that at all,” Phil says with his fingers curled around his almost empty glass, “he’s my brother and I love him, but he just.. I don’t even know, he’s the good one and I’m just, well, me. The weird one.”

“So you _are_ jealous of him?” Dan giggles.

“No! I guess, maybe a little bit, but don’t tell him that. It’ll just get to his head.”

Dan takes his own glass to his lips and tips it so that the lukewarm liquid trickles down his throat.

“You know it’s not true though, right?” he says after he swallows.

Phil raises his eyebrows. “What is?”

“That you’re the weird one.” Dan says, “Or, I guess you _are_ the weird one, but not in a bad way. I like your weirdness. It’s what makes you, you.”

Phil smiles, his pink lips stretching out over his teeth and his eyes crinkling a little, and Dan suddenly finds it hard to breathe.

“Wouldn’t you rather that I was some cool DJ guy that didn’t live at home and didn’t make weird videos on the internet?”

Dan can tell that he’s joking, his voice laced with sarcasm, but there’s also a speck of truth in there.

“Actually, I prefer the weird emo kid that makes videos in his childhood bedroom.” Dan says as he leans forward a little and places his hands on the table. “Being a DJ isn’t actually _that_ cool.”

Phil breaks into laughter then, his eyes crinkling and his tounge sneaking out through his mouth. His hand quickly comes up to cover his mouth as he laughs. It’s adorable.

As the laughter dies down, Phil brings his hand down from his mouth and puts it on the table. It’s not a big table, they’re both leaning forward slightly, and suddenly Dan is extremely aware of how close they really are. Their hands are resting next to their almost empty drinks only inches from each other, and if he wanted to – he could reach out and touch him.

He wanted to.

Just as the thought runs through his mind, Phil reaches out to pick up his glass and in doing so, brushes his fingers over Dan’s. It’s hasty, a quick and seemingly innocent gesture that really shouldn’t matter, but Dan can feel his throat tighten and a chill running down his spine.

He glances up at Phil who’s looking right back at him, his eyes glistening in the dim light, and Dan realises then that he’s properly _fucked_.

_I love you I love you I love you I love you_

He doesn’t say it, but it’s sitting at the very top of his tongue. If he wasn't so careful, if he didn’t care so much about what would happen after or if he hadn’t cared about what everyone else thought, what Phil thought, he would’ve said it.

He didn’t.

 

They’re walking through the city, both a little tipsy and both high on adrenaline, when Phil walks a little too close than necessary. Dan is painfully aware of the shrinking distance between them, the mere inches between their long and lanky bodies, and Dan finds it hard to resist the urge to just crash into Phil as they walk.

And then, he can feel it. At first their knuckles only brush together briefly, and the fleeting touch sends a chill throughout Dan’s body. And then, just as he’s about to burst of warmth and butterflies and adrenaline, it happens again.

He’s so close, Dan thinks, that he could reach out. He doesn’t, but he can. He wants to.

He doesn’t need to. Right as Dan is about to comment on how empty the streets are and how it kind of reminds him of that weird apocalypse film he’d seen a few weeks back, Phil’s fingers brush the inside of Dan’s palm.

It’s a question. A ‘ _is this okay?_ ’, and with his heart suddenly beating very hard in his throat, Dan answers by taking a steady hold of Phil’s hand.

It’s electric, it’s vicious and it makes Dan feel so _alive_ that he’s not sure if he’ll ever want to die so long as Phil is by his side.

Phil’s thumb caress the back of Dan’s hand as they walk, their intertwined hands swaying a little between them and Dan can’t believe it. He just _can’t_ believe it.

“I’m so glad you wanted to come.” Phil says then, his voice low and hushed as it echoes through the night.

Dan smiles. “I’m glad you wanted me to come.”

“I actually didn’t think you’d do it.”

“Do what?”

“Come here. I was convinced that you’d cancel everything, and I didn’t really believe it completely until I actually saw you at the station.”

Dan frowns. “What, why?”

It takes Phil a few seconds to answer, and Dan gently squeezes his hand as to tell him that it’s okay.

“I don’t know, really. I just thought you didn’t really want to. That this was all a game, or something, because it felt so _right_ over skype and the phone and all, but that didn’t have to mean it would feel the same in real life.”

Dan’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or the fact that Phil suddenly feel so _unsure_ about Dan’s intentions that makes him say it, but he does.

“I think it feels better in real life, actually. To have you next to me, to feel you and to be able to touch you, it’s.. it’s so surreal and so incredible to be with you. You’re incredible.”

Phil snorts, but Dan can hear in his voice that he’s smiling as he says, “That’s coming from you?”

“It’s the truth!” his voice grows higher and he giggles, “I’m just this weird emo boy that stalked you for months, I still don’t understand why you even replied to me.”

“Do you want the boring answer or the true answer?”

Dan pulls slightly at their hands, still intertwined. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I thought we had a lot in common.”

“...And?”

Phil giggles. “And you were hot, okay. And funny, but mostly hot.”

“Phil!” Dan drags out the ‘i’ as he says it, but he’s laughing. Something warm trickles from the inside of his chest and down to the lower parts of his stomach.

“No, but really – I just, I don’t know. I just felt like I should, you know? And then, when I realised that we really got on, I kinda just.. felt like we fit. It worked.”

“Yeah.” Dan squeezes at Phil’s hand again, gently. “It really did, huh? And now we’re here.”

“And now we’re here.”

 

It’s late. Phil’s window is slightly ajar and crisp air is seeping in through the crack.

They’re laying in bed, tangled up together in a mess of limbs, and Dan’s head his resting on Phil’s naked chest. They’re both a little sweaty, their breaths still slightly rushed and adrenaline still pumping through their veins.

Dan can feel Phil’s chest rise and fall underneath him; he can hear his heartbeat, still beating a little too quickly than normal, just like Dan’s is.

Dan cranes his neck slowly, his body feeling tired and stale, and he plants a gentle kiss on the soft skin right underneath Phil’s nipple. It tastes a little salty but Dan couldn’t care less. 

Phil’s hand is tangled up in Dan’s hair, that’s just starting to curl up at the edges. He’s not sure if it’s because of the way Phil kept tugging at it, the humidity in the room or the fact that he just hadn’t straightened it since that morning. He didn’t care, though. The feeling of Phil’s fingers moving over his scalp makes everything else in the world feel unimportant.

And then, in the still and silence of the night, he says it. He doesn’t mean to. It just.. comes. He can’t stop himself.

“I love you.” he blurts out, his voice croaky and hushed, and right as he says it he feels his stomach drop. _I shouldn’t have, it’s too soon, too straight forward_ , he thinks, and in pure panic he mumbles, “I- I don’t, I mean-”

“I love you too.”

Dan falls silent. After a second or so, he props himself up slightly so that he can turn his head and look up at Phil, his eyebrows raised. “You do?”

Phil is looking down at him, his blue eyes piercing through the darkness. “Of course I do, you idiot.”

Phil giggles and Dan hits him lightly over his chest. “Shut up.”

“You really thought I didn’t?” Phil asks.

“I.. don’t know.”

Phil moves his hand, cupping Dan’s face slightly and brushing his thumb over his jaw. It makes Dan suck in a short breath and he closes his eyes.

“I’ve been trying to tell you for a long time. I’ve been close, but I just.. figured you needed more time to sort things out. I’m glad we’re on the same page, though.”

Dan snorts as he cracks his eyes open to look at Phil. “You thought.. I needed.. Phil, I’m literally lying naked in your bed.”

Phil smiles. Dan’s heart is bursting out of his chest at the sight because they’re together, finally, and it’s better than Dan ever could’ve dreamed of.

“Yes you are.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr! @retrohowell
> 
> [i kinda maybe didn’t want to end it here so i kinda started/continued on like a sort of smutty part but idk if i should post it? lmk if you’d want to read it and maybe i’ll add it in]


End file.
